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by Rocki Gazowsky

The crowd was screaming wildly and my heart raced. The big moment had arrived at the Queen Elizabeth Stadium (QE Stadium) in Hong Kong. One year of preparation on the album and months of hard-core dance practice were finally going to pay off. The five of us who made up our dance team, ABAD, stood together backstage in our sparkly attire, holding hands as we prayed; then quickly resumed the habit of counting out steps in our heads.

We had had a week of performances at different venues around the city, including the Chinese version of MTV, all leading up to the last three big performances at QE Stadium. Practice had become so intensive at one point that some of us were even having dreams about counting dance steps: “One and two and spin up, over-and….”. Our hopes of being a touring dance team were about to take flight; and it was also my birthday. Several other bands played before we went on. The time was around 10:30 pm on Saturday when we finally took the stage.

The music started and the smoke machines and pyrotechnics were perfectly in-sync with the processed pop-tunes. My friend wrote many of the songs, I wrote a few, and he produced the music for all of it. We had a pop- girl, dance-band vibe; it looked and sounded like we were copying other groups. Most of the songs that were put together had heavy beats and blurred messages such as:

“Let’s go down where the people are jumping, baby;
Down where the people are crazy, baby;
Down where the heat and beat are all I know, oh, oh;
Come on people, let’s go.”

Suddenly, the unexpected happened. Being the front singer in the group, I noticed through the bright lights that the crowd began to dwindle as the evening progressed. I ignored what I saw in the audience and gave my best effort despite the sinking feeling that tried to creep up in me. Except for my sister, the other girls needed their glasses to see at a distance and since they had taken them off for the performance, they couldn’t see what was happening as the evening transpired. By the time the last song ended, there were about 27 people left from a crowd of 2,500! I had never seen such a disheartening sight in my whole life. The blood seemed to drain from my body. What went wrong?

We still had two concerts at QE Stadium, with a known worship leader, scheduled for Sunday when even larger crowds were expected. Now I was really nervous. Would the same thing happen again? I went to my parent’s hotel room that night and cried my eyes out. I didn’t know what was going on or how I should respond to such a shocking incident. My dad told me that the audience couldn’t tell whether we were Christians or not because our message was fuzzy, so they walked out. But as for the concert on Sunday: just perform only the songs that were clearly about the Lord.

When Sunday morning came, I didn’t know what to expect; but to my surprise, the crowd loved each song that we did. A thunderous applause erupted after each number, and yes, everyone stayed ‘till the end. There was such a drastic change from the night before. At the end of each concert on Sunday, ABAD signed posters and CD’s for crowds of people. However, our journey ended on a sad note; when we came home, one member of the team quit because of family issues.

But something still felt wrong inside. I needed some answers to my questions. What went wrong that Saturday night at QE Stadium? Should I continue working on the album after the audience rejected it? I asked the Lord for answers. Around one month later, I was in Los Angeles when God gave me the answer. He told me that the songs that I was singing were not true to whom I really am. I have never been to dance clubs, nor could I identify with several of the songs that the other songwriter and I had written. Instead of being true to the music that God gave me, I compromised. The message was not clear. The Lord gave me a compass for all of the projects that I work on: it has to “Heal the world.”

If I ever work on something that is questionable, I can ask myself, “Does this ‘heal the world’?” If not, then I can realign myself with what I am called to do. God taught me a very valuable and expensive lesson in Hong Kong, which I will never forget. The audience walked out that night because I didn’t portray the real passion and hope that God put within me. I wasn’t being real. Then God told me to scratch the whole album and start over. This was difficult because there were people who had dedicated large amounts of their time to complete this project. I gritted my teeth and decided to do it God’s way.

I thought that the start of a new album would come quickly and that the dance team would be up and running again in no time. But instead, the album came to a screeching halt. I tried but couldn’t get anything started.

Months later, it was evident that inspiration for the album had fizzled and that the group was “dead.” Hindering forces seemed to even block us from dance practice. I told the remaining girls, “Right now, our group is dead, just like a seed that’s been planted in the ground. But one day, it’s going to rise again.” Each Christmas, for about five years, we (ABAD) would have tea together, reminding each other of the coming day when our group would resurrect; until last year, when God showed me that ABAD wasn’t meant to continue.

Around two years ago, I began leading a small worship team at church, filling in for our main worship leaders when they were gone. It was rough. Pinning down musicians to make a commitment was the hardest part. I tried to find flexible people who were passionate about worship, and over time, God brought together 6 stable members, including myself: four singers, one drummer, and one guitarist. Then God lead one of the singers to play bass and another vocalist to play keyboards.

The group began to pick up momentum, and we did a song that was well received in Taiwan and Hong Kong called, “Shout.” Prophets began to prophesy about this worship team, it was evident that God’s hand was in it.

This week, God showed me that ABAD was the seed that fell into the ground and died. When a tree grows, it looks nothing like the seed. The seed is ugly in comparison to the beauty of the tree. It’s the same way with our group; the new group looks and sounds nothing like the old group. The new is much more fresh and there is no comparison with the old. There were originally 6 members in the old group, and there are 6 members in the new group. I see how ABAD was a part of the process to get where we are today. Everything has changed dramatically and I love it!

I will never forget the vital lesson I learned in Hong Kong. When you write music, stay true to the person God has made you to be. You don’t have to try to sound like someone else ~ be like someone else. People want to hear songs that are honest, songs that touch the hearts and minds of people everywhere. God wants to give you the music that the masses can identify with and say, “That song captures the way I feel.”

Rocki Gazowsky is the oldest daughter of Richard and Sandy Gazowsky and has worked at Christian WYSIWYG Filmworks for 9 years. She has scored the soundtrack for “The Roman Trilogy” with the Budapest Symphony Orchestra, and is currently working on the score for the theatrical release “Gravity.”