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by Rocki Gazowsky

“Quiet!” Here I was again, trying to force my mind to quiet down, but a barrage of thoughts raced through my head to the point that I had to sing to stop thinking so hard. Yes, I want artistic, mind-blowing downloads from God; but my brain gets in the way. If you’re like me at all, when I think too much it turns into worry. Worry stifles faith and quells any chance of hearing what God is trying to tell you; and without faith, it is impossible to please God. Finally, I thought, “I know how to quiet my mind: I’ll look up all of my favorite websites and research harmless things that are interesting – and then my mind will be clear of all the things God told me not to worry about.”

That night I loaded up one of my internet favorites, the Neiman Marcus website, and filled my mind with beautiful shoes, clothes, and jewelry. I was almost drooling when I came to the earring section. After exploring the Neiman Marcus website for about three hours~ very happy with the way I had used my time~ I told my dad what I had done all evening and he wasn’t very pleased. “Rocki, you’re filling your mind with things other than what God wants to put in you. How will you hear from God if you’re consumed with other things? It’s not that God doesn’t want you to have nice things. The issue is you need to hear God; your career, everything depends on it.” That night I took to heart what my dad had earnestly told me.

But… a few nights later I came to the same point, trying to deal with a noisy brain. Earlier in the day, I had a few difficult issues to work through. When I came home, I thanked God for what He was teaching me through it all; but still, I felt like I needed a distraction to keep me from over-thinking the day. I needed an effective diversion to make myself think about something different. “I know, I’ll look at evening gowns on the Saks Fifth Avenue website,” I thought to myself. That night I poured over all of the beautiful gowns, forgetting the simple warning which my father had given me a few nights before.
A few weeks earlier, someone in our church had given me $200 to go shopping with. I was really excited about buying something nice, but I didn’t find anything at the store. I know that God wanted to give me the best clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. so that night, I decided to find some pretty earrings on the internet. But I didn’t listen for God, to discover what He wanted me to do.

I went to Ebay looking for diamond earrings, but I soon strayed from my original intent; and found the most amazing diamond bracelets. These diamond bracelets were being offered from several estate sales in England. One in particular caught my eye. It had 30 carats of old, rose-cut diamonds. This was a dazzling, vintage bracelet, the kind that I would love to wear to a gala or to the symphony. This bracelet was gorgeous! When I looked at the price, it was selling for only $8500, which is a really good price for such a fabulous, vintage diamond bracelet. The website said that there was a lay-away plan available to buy the jewelry. I could probably gather the money together to purchase it. Immediately, I was filled with lust for the bracelet… I wanted it.

Around 2a.m., after 4 hours browsing on Ebay, I was finally ready to go to bed. As I closed my computer down I saw that the television was left on and the ballet, “The Red Shoes” was playing. I was intrigued and decided to watch for a while.

The story is about a girl who came into a small town with her boyfriend, and noticed a pair of beautiful red shoes in the cobbler’s window. She was instantly filled with the desire to own the unique shoes, but her boyfriend urged her to continue on down the street. The cobbler enticed her to make them her own and the girl couldn’t resist the elegant, crimson, silk shoes. When the cobbler put the red shoes on her feet, she danced through the town all day radiantly joyful, proud to own the scarlet treasure. That night she danced fervently at the town carnival. The girl looked so lovely dancing in her red shoes. But the time grew late and people in the small town went to bed. The beautiful, young girl was weary from dancing all day long; but the red shoes were not tired!

She tried to go home, but it was of no use. The red shoes danced her all the way through the cold, damp forest; over the high, rugged mountains; and down into the lowest valleys. She tried to remove the shoes but could not. They held fast to her worn feet. The poor girl was entirely exhausted~ her clothes were ripped and soiled~ but the red shoes continued to dance wildly. Eventually, the young girl collapsed and died; a victim of her own lust.

This story hit me like a bus! I was the girl lusting after the red shoes! Instead of truly emptying my mind and getting fresh musical/creative downloads from Jesus, I was consumed with my own “good ideas.” I realized how silly I was ignoring (allowing myself to forget) what my dad had told me.

What I needed was to come into God’s presence and quiet my mind through prayer and worship, searching for His desires. I know that God has beautiful jewelry and clothes in store for me, but I ‘m going to let God do it; let Him tell me when it’s time to look for it. When it’s time for those things, I know He will make it happen.

I had a dream a few nights ago. After acting in a stage production in the auditorium, I was walking into a large costume warehouse connected to our church to change my clothes. As I walked by large racks of shoes, I saw a favorite, old pair of shoes that I used to wear. I then remembered that there was someone in the auditorium that I felt compelled to see. So I peeked through the main sanctuary doors, and caught a glimpse of the person talking inside. Quickly, I scurried to get changed and meet with this individual. But after changing my clothes~ instead of running to speak with the person I must see~ I went hunting for my old shoes, but I could not find them. I looked through the very large, old shoe racks again and again, upturning every shoe to no avail. Finally, after looking for a long time, I realized that I was missing my opportunity to see the person I was eager to meet. At that point, I ran out through the side lobby doors of the church with the funky pair of black clogs I was wearing, and heard my name called loudly. The great person that I needed to meet called my name and I ran to them, fulfilled.

When I shared the dream with my dad, he told me that the shoes symbolized a pathway that I’m traveling down. And trying to find the “old shoes” is looking for the road that brought me success in the past to determine my actions and outcome in the future. The “person” whom I was compelled to meet, was a symbol of my destiny with Jesus, the place where I need to be.

I realized what the dream meant!

I have been composing a few new musical pieces at home on my computer. When I started working on these fresh scores two weeks ago, I found some music that I had composed a few years earlier for “The Roman Trilogy.” I began to listen, letting the music that I had worked on long ago influence me now. “The Roman Trilogy” soundtrack that God gave me was great for that time; but now I need to hear the new music from God, letting go of the old. Today, God gave me a new melody line that I was delighted to write down. The more I listen for God~ the more I hear.

It’s time to leave the “old shoes” behind, venturing down an undiscovered path. Time to clear our minds of unnecessary clutter and “good ideas” that distract us from what God is really trying to show us. It’s time to bring out the keyboard and write some heavy tunes for the silver screen.

Yep, it’s time to run into the arms of God~ leaving all else behind~ embracing everything that He has arranged for us to enjoy!

Rocki Gazowsky is the oldest daughter of Richard and Sandy Gazowsky and has worked at Christian WYSIWYG Filmworks for 9 years. She has scored the soundtrack for “The Roman Trilogy” with the Budapest Symphony Orchestra, and is currently working on the score for the theatrical release “Gravity.”