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 By Sarah Jeanne

On a morning that was 20 years overdue, I felt the seemingly endless stream of tears heat my cheeks and knew my life would never be the same. “Sarah Jeanne? Are you still there?” I could hear Rocki Starr’s voice on the other line, haltingly speaking in a mildly concerned tone. After a few moments of trying to catch my breath, I managed to choke out, between sobs, “Rocki. You don’t understand. My heart has dreamed of this day since I was ten years old.”

What is it about childhood dreams that make them so lasting? Often times you will look back on your life and remember those ambitions you dared to see yourself in and how far your life actually takes you from them. You know the ones, the “fireman” who ended up as a tax accountant or the “princess” who waits tables at your favorite Italian Restaurant. Not that I have anything against these professions, mind you, but how does one end up on the exact opposite of the spectrum from their deepest heart’s desires?

The immediate answer, of course, is: “They grew up.” But did they? Is shoving your purest and grandest ideas from your spirit man under a pile of bills and expectations of “how to live a life correctly” growing up, or could it merely be growing old? And who is to say how big a dream should and/or could be?

Growing up in Wisconsin, the first opportunity one had in the public school system to learn an instrument was the 5th grade. I was 10 years old, and we were able to pick a stringed instrument to learn (if we wished to give up some recesses along the way). One by one, our music teacher played them: violin, viola, cello, and stand-up bass. It was then that my love affair with the bass began. I was infatuated with the deep throaty timbre it produced. The mellow highs of its upper registers in comparison to the way the lowest lows made my heart sing. Everything about the bass, to me, was fabulous. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect way to make music. Determined to make the sounds I heard that day my own, I ran home after school, permission slip for lessons in hand. I was going to be a bassist! It was all too lovely, until the grown-up perspective stepped in and handed my dream a second-rate substitution.

My mother is truthfully one of the most encouraging and loving people I have ever met. The love and opportunities that she afforded me growing up will surely be rewarded greatly in heaven. Of these things, I have no doubt. But something fateful happened that afternoon that I never fully understood the implications of until now, at the age of 30. My mother, the grown-up, looked at the skinned-knee, skinny little blonde girl before her and all she could imagine was this towering instrument of hefty weight and me, trying to lug it home to practice on. It was right then and there she decided that I would play the violin. A suitable substitution, right? WRONG! I have never reviled an activity so much in my life. I can truthfully say that I hated the violin! Thankfully, playing violin lasted only 2 years until I went to the Junior High and was able to play in the Concert Band. The French horn quickly became my instrument of choice and due to excessive arts electives (go figure, someone in the movie industry has an arts background?) I never did get the opportunity to pick that bass up. Throughout my life, the bass has remained my favorite instrument, whether the standup double bass or the electric rock machine so commonly found on the radio.

Our company, Christian WSIWYG Filmworks, has been given an amazing directive from God. The current project we are in is a film called ‘Gravity’ and through multiple confirmations, we know it is a $200 million project. Our sights and hearts have been set on this and we know that it is not only our dream, but it is our destiny to make this film. We are standing here, skinned knees and all; ready to bring this production into high gear. We know without a doubt what it is we are supposed to do. But many well-meaning and loving friends have attempted to ‘help us’ along the way. “Why don’t you lower it to a $50 million budget?” “You should hire this Hollywood director to shoot the film.” “This level of filmmaking just isn’t done by the Christian film industry.” They are trying to hand us the violin when we know it’s the bass we need! I bet many of you can relate. There are the ‘bring home the bacon’ projects that you can do and forget about a month later after you’ve cashed the check. But there are those dream projects: the ‘if only’ projects that, barring current situations and finances, you would gladly throw yourself into headfirst and heart first, never pausing to look back. Where exactly is the line we all crossed from childhood to adulthood that caused us to push such things to the backburners? It is written that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Well, who do you think placed those desires there in the first place? I can tell you this, heavy or not, I would have figured out some way to get that bass home to practice on!

One early November morning, I was awakened by a phone call. It was from Rocki Starr, whose blog you may have read last yesterday. Rocki leads a worship group in our church, which I sing for. She started to, in great detail, tell me about a dream which her dad, Richard Gazowsky, had about our music group traveling. I was very interested, but still sort of waking up. After about 5 minutes of listening to her and politely mm-hmming on cue, she finished up the dream talking about the ‘6 band members.’ At the time, I was one of 3 backup singers and we also had a drummer and guitarist, in addition to Rocki. I started to do some mental calculations as she continued on. As she and her family discussed that the dream was specific in naming 6 people in the band, they began to wonder if the Lord was telling them Rocki would not have a bass player in the lineup. Suddenly, as they were praying about it, Richard had a clear vision of me playing the bass and singing back up at the same time. Rocki was sort of hesitant as she started to tell me this part, thinking being put in the back to play bass would upset me. No sooner had the words “My dad saw you playing the bass” come out her mouth that something inside my heart broke. It was like something binding it burst and I was awash in happy tears. I knew this was the Lord, for I had never shared this secret desire of my heart with Rocki or Richard. I have now been learning and playing the bass since November 12th, 2007 and it has been amazing the level God has brought me to in so short a time. I am now regularly playing worship services and am picking up the rhythms and intricacies of the bass like I’ve been playing for a long time. God is doing a quick work with me, because of the delay put upon this calling.

Don’t let 20 years go by! If God is calling you into an impossible dream, it’s time to step up to the plate. If the Bible says ‘All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me,’ then it really means ALL things! Even $200 million blockbuster Christian films. It’s time we stop growing old and start growing into our destinies.

Sarah Jeanne is unit production team leader for Christian WYSIWYG Filmworks. She was one of the leaders in Italy for our 70mm film test shot, which was featured in the film “Audience of One”.